I have been eating vegetables frequently lately and my joints has improved so much... I have to deal with the physical pain caused by having rheumatoid arthritis everyday... A little relief from pain is very noticeable and I am very grateful for that. I have managed to aliviate the mental and emotional pain it has beset me over the years. I was diagnosed last 2009 when I can no longer bear the pain and restricted me from moving my joints mainly my neck, shoulders, ankles and wrists. I feared everyday
that my condition will worsen as the Doctor says there is no cure but medicines will only slow down joint deterioation and manage inflammation that may cause other disease.
I was on steroids and pain reliever for 6 years and decided to just . I do not talk about this pain so much now because I have my paints to talk about instead. I do not want to go back when I was in fear and pain... And same with my thoughts, I choose to think and focus on painting instead. I have had terrible days with pain and will only pop a pain killer if it is too much to bear on some days. It took awhile for me to come into terms that the pain is there with me and has been my companion day in day out. My daughter told me that I should talk about my disease to inspire others with chronic pain how I manage everyday with pain and with a 'dysfunctional' wrists and hands... My wrist is lock frozen and fused. Anything I do with my hands will be painful and yet I can still paint. Painting gave me a silverlining. I am not defined by my pains anymore even I live it with every single day. I have never been happier and peaceful. And looking forward to a more colorful future ahead ❤️
My very first painting... I was trying to paint a waterfall... After 3.5 hours it became like this..
It was one fine afternoon, 30th July 2016. It was like swimming for the first time when I slept after paintinh, I felt the sensation in my hands with the brushstrokes.. Time flew by and my thoughts stopped. It was soothing. Healing. Relaxing. Satisfying. Everyday after that I yearn for those wonderful feelings it gives. I painted and painted till now until those loving and caring feeling lingered. Even I am not painting I already know how to go to that peaceful place. My own beautiful world. 💕 Read More
The very first person who have witnessed my first artwork is my daughter Zoe. She has been there from day one I started to paint to this day. In fact, it was her art materials that I used to paint and I remember how she teaches to check on my values, tones, color mixing, perspectives, strokes and so much more. I have also admired her passion in drawing. She is my honest critic and the best inspiration I have in the Universe.
When I finish a painting, I would show it to her and ask her several times if my work is good or needs improvement. I would ask her a lot... More than 3x and she would be annoyed and would tell me that my work is great. Sometimes, she would be surprised how I have improved in painting. I would reciprocate the compliment by telling her that she is very talented and at her age her artwork is amazing. She would remind me that she has been drawing since she was 2 years old and it takes practice, commitment and passion to achieve what she can do now. And the converstion will continue at complimenting each other and tell each other how we are proud of each other.
Last November 2016, I have attempted to paint Koi Fish. At that time, I felt frustrated as I thought I could paint it at one try.
At last, I can say that I can paint a Koi Fish that I am happy and very satisfied with. I have invested time, effort, art materials and have infused passion, perseverance, courage, determination and lots of love of what I do to improve my artworks. The feeling of satisfaction and fulfilment is evident.
I am willing to improve more and do more of what I love to do. Read More
Christopher Reeve is one of my favorite actor and Superman is my favovite Super Hero. I am in the middle of reading his book "Still Me" and was compelled to write about this blog which was in my head to write about. Originally I wanted to have a blog about how we all are warriors in this life. There are so many battles we have to face and the most difficult one is the battle we have to face everyday, every moment, is the battle with our own self. Read More
My Father was my biggest Fan. I am his favorite child. I remember he would boast at how good I am to his friends and relatives. And I feel embarrased as I feel that it is not true that I am good... as I do not have trophies and medals to prove that.
When I had my daughter Zoe, I was like my Father talking about how good my daughter is. She would also feel embarassed when she became a teenager and would ask me is she really talented and good. I would reassure her over and over. Until one day just after her Secondary School commencement that she has finally accepted and believed all the good things I was talking about her. She told me she believed me now.
As for me, people who have seen my Art have told me that I am talented and good at what I do. And I believe that I am still not fully believing in myself and still looking for validations like trophies and medals or probably certificates of recognition.
It is hindering my growth as a person and as an Artist.
I would always remind myself that I am good and I am enough. No validations needed.
I AM talented. Read More
At 40, I learned to fall in love... With myself!
All these years I have been unkind to myself. I have not taken care of my vessel, I do not see my worth as a person, I carry past sorrows, sadness and loneliness on a day to day basis, I doubted myself, I worry at little things, I hated and ashamed of myself for the mistakes I have done, I feel unworthy... All these are detremental to my well being and have caused deep harm to me.
At last, I finally realize to love myself, to be happy and to be at peace of who I am.
When I felt peace and was really happy after so long, I do not wish to go back to those low frequency feelings. I became grateful on a day to day basis for the all the good things life has to offer.
It does not stop from realization and learning to love yourself. I have to maintain and nurture that love. I have to hold on to the belief that I deserve all the love and the goodness the Universe provides.
I love Me...